Matters of the Heart
by Blushweaver
Summary: Chat has an important confession to make. Hopefully, his Lady will understand and accept what he has to say.


She looked beautiful in the moonlight. Strong. Powerful. Everything this city needed and more. Paris would never appreciate the sacrifices she made to protect the city, nor would they ever understand.

It wasn't their fault. She made it that way on purpose. Underplayed her struggles to keep any true hardship from the public's eyes. They didn't know her pains. Didn't know the late nights or fractured ribs she sustained. All they saw was a symbol. An unstoppable force whose sole purpose was keeping them safe.

She deserved so much more. So much more admiration for her efforts, but she refused to indulge. Refused to bask in any recognition she deserved for her marvelous works, for that was not why she had become a superhero. She'd become one to protect those she loved. To protect the city.

It was why he loved her so fiercely.

Only Chat Noir saw her pains. Only Chat knew the things she sacrificed for everyone's sake. He saw her determination and felt driven to do better. To be better both for Paris and for her. If they couldn't fully appreciate her, then he'd make up for everything she deserved by loving her for those things.

He landed silently on the building's landing, hidden and approaching from her blind spot. She shouldn't notice him, his paws soft even for his own enhanced ears.

Her head tilted to one side.

"Please don't tell me you made me wait fifteen minutes just so you could try to sneak up on me," said Ladybug, amusement in her voice. "This is getting ridiculous."

Chat's lips twitched into a smirk. Dang, she'd caught him again. How did she manage to hear him every time? He didn't know, nor did he care. After failing to pounce her for so long he should have become disheartened, but instead, it bolstered his feelings, his pride souring at knowing just how astute and attentive his Lady was. How much better she was than he.

"Can you blame me, my Lady?" said Chat, straightening as he walked comfortably toward her. "You were so cute the first time I surprised you, I wanted to see it again."

Her face finally turned to him, pink dusting her cheeks under the mask. It lessened the sharpness of her glare.

"That was one time," she said. "And my ears were still ringing from the Tonedeafening."

"Doesn't change the fact that you let out the most adorable squeak when you're frightened," he said.

Ladybug's mouth twitched, a smile threatening to come through. She cheated by looking away so he couldn't see her break.

Chat's grin grew, sliding into place beside her. His legs dangled on the edge of the metal railing, ten stories off the ground. This was their usual meeting place, one of the outer beams of the Eiffel tower. It provided a good central location to meet as well as a good vantage point to view the city. He'd suggested the very top at first, but had been overruled by Ladybug's reasoning that _'there was no reason to go that high except to satisfy the thrill-seeker in him.'_

Well, she wasn't wrong on that part.

"Just accept it My Lady," said Chat. "I will catch you off guard one day, and then I'll be treated to sound of your _paw_ sitively adorable squeak once more."

"That, or a fist in the face," said Ladybug. She threw him an exasperated look. "Seriously Chat, that was almost a year ago. I threw the last guy that suddenly placed a hand on my shoulder and I was in my civilian form. I'm still getting questions about it."

Chat let out a laugh as he imagined his tiny Ladybug throwing a guy twice her size over her shoulder. He could totally picture her doing that.

"Has it really been a year since then?" said Chat. "Wow, time sure does fly by when you're fighting villains every week."

"Twice a week sometimes," Ladybug grumbled.

Chat leaned back, hands behind his head as his gaze focused to the sky. It was cloudy, only a few stars poking through the haze. Even with his heightened vision is was hard to make out the lights past those clouds. Ladybug probably couldn't see any of them.

These were the moments he cherished. The quiet nights and fun banter with his lady. He felt so free with her. Unfettered from his life's constraints. If only his life could include more of these moments.

Except… maybe it could.

"Ladybug," said Chat. "I have something I need to talk to you about."

The amusement slid from her face, mouth straightening to a serious line. No doubt she'd noticed his use of her hero name instead of some ridiculous endearment. He usually only called her Ladybug when she was in trouble during a fight.

"I figured there was a reason you called me out tonight," said Ladybug. "What is it Chaton?"

"It's… about us."

Her eyes narrowed, displeasure evident.

"We've talked about this Chat," she said, tone clipped. " _Extensively_. We can't date. We can't reveal our identities. It's too dangerous considering how often Hawk Moth uses us against each other. If something were to happen and we were given a choice between the other or the miraculous…"

She suddenly looked away, no longer speaking. All he could see was the back of her head and the outline of her jaw, clenched and unmoving.

A warmth spread through Chat's chest. He sat up, trying to peer around to see his Lady's face. She kept it turned away from him, craning her long neck to prevent him from seeing.

She was always like this. Trying to push forward without letting others see her struggle. He constantly had to remind her she wasn't alone. That he was there to help her when she wavered. He was the one person she could let see her struggles.

Honestly, that fact made things a lot more complicated.

He placed a clawed hand on the hand resting by her side. She didn't flinch or pull away, allowing the comforting gesture.

Her shoulders trembled as she took a breath, finally turning to face him again. Her eyes were strong, but not unfeeling as she peered at Chat.

"We can't become any more precious to each other," she continued. "I swore to protect both the people of Paris and the miraculous. They must come first as Ladybug. But if we change that. If we date or kiss or… anything. I don't think I'd have the strength to put the people first."

Chat let out a breath, one he hadn't meant to hold. He rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand, hoping she could feel his sincerity through the magic leather. It was both painful and a relief to hear her words, as they were what he had come for.

"Thank you, My Lady," said Chat Noir. "I just needed to hear you say that one more time."

Her brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Chat gave her hand one last squeeze before pulling his back. He crossed his legs, carefully making sure not to let any part of him brush her on accident. It was much easier to say what he needed to when he wasn't touching her.

"There's this girl," he said. "A friend I have in my civilian life. She's one of my best friends and we've become close. _Really_ close, actually. I'd be hard put to think of a day this past month where we haven't spent hours texting or hanging out with each other."

The friendship had come from nowhere. Shy and quirky Marinette from school had suddenly stopped stuttering and managed to ask him out to ice cream. Everything had escalated from there. They'd traded numbers, video game advice, and even clothing accessories on occasion. It became natural to share everything from school to personal struggles with her. She was the reason he managed to eat dinner with his dad almost every day. She had really changed his life.

"I didn't think anything of it," continued Chat. "But another friend pointed several things out and told me the girl liked me."

"Like what things?" said Ladybug.

"Like how she casually touches me," said Chat, his hand drifting to his shoulder. He could remember Marinette's touch just this morning, soft and not at all intrusive. "Or how she anticipates when I run out of pencil led. Her pencil case is always stacked with refills on the off chance I run out."

He chanced a look in Ladybug's direction, curious at what he'd see. Her expression was impossible to read, perfectly still with only a slight crease on her forehead hinting at any possible feelings she may have. A part of him wanted her to be jealous, but the logical portion of him begged for her not to show any weakness.

"Pencil led, huh?" said Ladybug. She sounded distracted. "I'm not sure about that, but casual touching is usually a good indicator. Your other friend may be right. She could be into you."

"Who knows," said Chat with a shrug. There were other examples Chloe had pointed out. Marinette's constant stutter when they were younger. The presents and charms she made for him every year. Then there had been that cake she'd spent a week learning to make for his birthday. Each one pointed to one inevitability. Chat had been completely blind.

Chat took a breath, trying his best to explain his feelings.

"So, this is me saying I'm trying my best Ladybug," he said. "I don't think I could ever stop loving you, but I also know that anything between us is impossible. The city must come first and honestly, Chat Noir is only one part of me. I want to find fulfillment in my civilian identity as well as in my superhero one."

 _I want to feel loved._

"And you think she could give that to you?" said Ladybug patiently.

"I really think she could." His smile softened at the memory of his morning. The day after he'd been awakened to her feelings for him. Suddenly all her words and actions felt so much sweeter. So much more tender when he thought that love that may be the motivator. How had it taken him so long to notice her feelings? He felt stupid looking back on this past year and the piles of evidence it held.

Ladybug suddenly stood up. Chat watched, her back straight and eyes level. A brush of wind ruffled her navy-blue pigtails, red antenna dancing. She looked every ounce the superhero she was. Strong. Wonderful. Everything he wanted.

But maybe not what he needed.

Her eyes turned to him.

"I'm happy for you Chat," she said. "I hope you can find happiness with her. You deserve it."

Happiness. Yes. He may be able to find that with Marinette. It would be a different one than the one he had with Ladybug, but there was no helping that. Marinette couldn't be privy to his superhero life. Couldn't carry the burdens Ladybug did. He'd never want to put that on her.

"I have to woo her first, Bugaboo," said Chat, a sly grin creeping across his face. "You've witnessed my charms first hand. Think I've got a chance?"

She rolled her eyes, finally smiling. Gosh, he loved the shape her lips made when she smiled.

"If she's managed to survive your horrible puns this long, then I'd say you've got a good chance," she said.

Ladybug threw out her yo-yo, the line catching on another building. As her hand pulled back to tighten the string, she paused, teetering on the edge of the tower. Her eyes flickered to him once more, uncertainty evident.

Whatever it was that made her pause, Chat didn't get to find out. She jumped down a second later, swinging off into the dark alleys of Paris.

Chat remained on the tower a few minutes more, watching the flicking street lights of the city. One of those lights may belong to the woman who could complete his life. The woman who already filled his loneliness with light.

Ladybug was amazing, self-sacrificing and strong. But that was it. What Chat Noir needed, no, what _Adrien_ needed was love, kindness and honesty. While Ladybug also held these traits, she didn't exude them like Marinette did. Ladybug never dropped the physical or metaphorical mask she wore. Adrien didn't need any more walls in his life. He needed open arms and unwavering support.

Chat Noir finally stood up, extending his staff to scale the nearest building.

He'd always love Ladybug, that was a fact, but he could never have a life with her. Not the one he needed.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading.**

 **I wrote this a long time ago and decided it was good enough for a post, even if I'm unsure if it will go anywhere. It's completed for now, but I maintain the right to update it if I feel like it in the future.**

 **I decided I like the idea of their feelings growing as the years go by, but ultimately they can't reveal who they are. Not because they might reveal each other's identity to the enemy (which is not a good enough reason IMO), but because they will become too important to each other and put their lives first before Paris. That is an idea I can get behind, and I feel like Marinette would come to that same conclusion as well over time.**

 **Anyhoo, make sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed it!**

 **Thanks again for reading!**

 **-Blushweaver**


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